


Thorin's Guide to Parenting

by Dorkangel



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Dís, BAMF Dís, Durin Feels, Gen, POV Thorin, Thorin's A+ Parenting, Uncle Thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:56:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1682435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorkangel/pseuds/Dorkangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Fíli and Kíli have a fight and someone has to try and sort it out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorin's Guide to Parenting

Thorin's Guide to Parenting

Monday:  
Fili and Kili are not talking.  
This is BAD.  
I know that they are only young, and sharing a bedroom, and therefore liable to get into these kinds of disagreements, but never before has it lasted longer than a week.  
I would like to reiterate that they share a room. And are not talking. This is making their lives, and by extension, my life, very difficult.  
I do not know what the fight was about. I only know that on Monday night there was shouting and crashes, and on Tuesday they both came downstairs sullen and moody and bruised.  
I wish Dis would get back from visiting Dain and his wife, although it'd never do that tell her so. She knows the boys better than I, and quite frankly, could probably scare the pants off them into behaving better than I could.

Tuesday:  
Not a word to each other still. Quite impressive, although I did mention to Fili today at the forge that me and Frerin once passed a month and a half's silence without breaking.  
Until Thrain called us into the throne room and threatened to murder us both with an axe.  
I should perhaps try this tactic.  
Kili dropped some stew on his brother by accident today and I had to hold both of them back, else they surely would have been at each other's throats.  
When I explained the situation to some of the others, Balin chuckled and said it will pass, and Dwalin thoroughly backed up my father's method.  
Threats of violence have, however, never really been my favourite with these boys. Actual violence has occurred more than once, but in fairness they usually started it.

Wednesday:  
Dis is back. Fili and Kili took it in turns to greet her, putting on false smiles and very, very carefully refusing to talk to each other, or each acknowledge his brother's presence, and as soon as Dis had finished hugging them they each ran off; Fili to the garden, Kili to their room.  
And then, of course, I got the practise-perfected LOOK from my sister. Suspicion, anger and confusion all rolled into one. Naturally I have learned to counter the LOOK with a blend of indignation, returning confusion and condescending pride. You can tell it works because Dis usually just gets annoyed and smacks me. (Note to self: hahahahaha)

Thursday:  
Problem sorted.  
Fili and Kili continued to be miserable and sulky all day (they cannot stand hating each other). Dis tactfully ignored them, and ignored them and ignored them until dinner, at which point she forced them to sit next to each other.  
Our table, like most of our things, is not very large. When you have to sit next to someone, their elbows are liable to get in your face.  
Their glowers were quite priceless.  
When we had finished eating dinner, Dis took the plates into the kitchen and began to walk back around the table to her seat, only pausing behind Fili and Kili to smash their heads together with blinding force, making them both yell with surprise and pain.  
"Ma!"  
"Why the hell did you do that?"  
"That really hurt!"  
She glared at them.  
"Apologise to each other, sharpish, or I'll do it again, and worse besides."  
For just a second they glared defiantly back at her, but then their rebellion crumpled and they glanced at each other sheepishly.  
"Sorry, Fee."  
"Sorry, Kili."  
"And what are you sorry FOR?" prompted Dis. Ha! For a moment then they probably thought they were going to get away with not telling us. I sat in the background and chuckled.  
"For teasing Kili about his beard," mumbled Fili. "And attacking him."  
"For teasing Fili about his height," returned Kili. "And also jumping at him."  
Dis nodded and glanced smugly at me. "Good. And next time, it'll be your Uncle bashing you around if you act so childishly, do you understand?"  
They gulped. Good.  
I am, however, not sure they learned their lesson. About the fighting, at least.  
I am writing this from my little cupboard of a room, and I can hear 'oof's and yells through the walls, as well as thuds and crashes.  
Never mind.  
For a moment then, they almost looked as if they might possibly obey orders.


End file.
